Never Let Go
by whilewewereyetsinners
Summary: While Edward and his family are away on a camping trip, Bella's life is turned upside down. All human, canon pairings.
1. The End

**A/N: So, those of you who are kind enough to follow me know that I should be posting a new chapter of ****_An Earlier Meeting_**** right now. Yeah, sorry about that. :) It's nearly ready to post, but I woke up yesterday morning thinking about this story and I ****_had _****to write it, like I had no choice. I'm just finishing up the end of this and I may write an outtake or two, and one day I may write it as a full-length novel with original characters-I swear, it's like I'm being consumed by it; my husband is freaked out ;)- but I really will get the next chapter of ****_AEM _****up by the end of the week. Anyway, whether you prefer Austen or Twilight, I hope you enjoy this. Oh, and this is all human, no vampires, something I always thought I would never write. LOL**

* * *

Unfortunately, I remembered that day with perfect clarity.

My boyfriend, Edward Cullen, his family, and his sister's boyfriend Jasper, were returning that day from a three week long camping trip. Edward and his sister, Alice, had graduated high school that June, along with myself and Jasper, and they were going on the trip in celebration. I had been invited to go, but decided to stay behind, even though I knew I would miss him dreadfully. I was working and trying to save as much money as I could before we left for college, and besides, I hated sleeping in tents. They were either too cold or too hot, and were uncomfortable. I used to tease him that when we were married we would need to either stay in a cabin or rent an RV.

We had been joking about marriage for months. We'd only been dating for a little over a year, but it had been serious and comfortable and perfect from the very beginning. We both knew that this was it. Or I did, anyway.

I had been rushing around getting all my chores done for the week, so that I wouldn't have to spend a minute away from Edward that I didn't have to, when the doorbell rang. No one was there when I answered it, but there was an envelope tucked between the screen door and the door frame.

Myname was on it. I opened it without any real interest, thinking about what I still had to do, and had the photos in my hand before I realized what the top one showed.

It was Edward. With his arm around a blonde.

I was not blonde. He didn't even _like_ blondes.

The rest of the pictures were of them in bed.

You couldn't see her face. I thought of that as I tried to call him, my fingers shaking so badly that it took me three tries to dial. It seemed somehow important to me that you couldn't see her face.

The call went straight to voice mail. I didn't leave a message. What was I supposed to say, "Please tell me this isn't true because since I can't see her face maybe it didn't really happen?" Even then, so desperately wanting him to tell me it wasn't true, I knew it must be. It was him.

I listened to his voice mail message all the way through before hanging up. His voice was so beautiful.

I didn't call him again.

I did leave Alice messages. She was his sister, yes, but she was also my friend, my best friend outside of him. We had been friends for longer than he and I had been together.

I didn't tell her what I had gotten. I couldn't say it. I just asked her to call me. By the end I was crying and begging her to call me. I made myself stop calling her after I left the twentieth message.

I could still see the photos on the floor where I'd dropped them. Some of them had landed face side up. I could no more touch them to turn them over than I would willingly have reached out my hand to flip over a tarantula.

I laid down on the floor and waited for her to call me back. If I pressed my cheek to the wood just right I couldn't see the pictures.

She never called me back. I was still laying there when my father got home from work.

I got off the floor. I wouldn't let Charlie go shoot him. I went to work, I cooked and did my chores, but I was numb. I was glad I was numb. I didn't want to feel anything. I didn't even want to imagine what this would feel like.

A month later I saw his mother, Esme, in the grocery store. I loved his mother. She, Alice, and I used to watch romantic movies almost every weekend, throwing popcorn at Edward and his father when they complained. I could talk to her about anything. She would hug me and call me sweetie. She was more of a mother to me than my real mother.

And there she was, forty feet in front of me. She looked down at her list and spun her cart around like she'd forgotten to get something in the previous aisle. It looked like she hadn't seen me.

But I knew she had.

I abandoned my cart where it was, and went home to pack. I quit my job. I made arrangements to go to a different college. I bought a one-way ticket to see my mother. I informed her I was spending the last few weeks before the start of school with her. I left early the next morning. I held myself together as I told my father goodbye.

Once I was safely in my bedroom at my mother's house, I cried for three days.

And I didn't go home for five years.


	2. The Middle: Charlie

**July, five years later**

I told myself it was high time I got over my aversion to Forks. My father was turning fifty and I decided to surprise him by coming to celebrate with him. Sure, I had seen him a lot through the years, but it wasn't the same as visiting him in his own home. It would make him happy. I could do this for him. None of this was his fault, so why should he be punished for it?

It wasn't his fault it was on his sofa that Edward and I snuggled to watch TV.

It wasn't his fault it was in his kitchen that Edward would sometimes wash dishes for me and I would flick him with a dish towel until he would chase me around and tickle me until I shrieked.

It wasn't his fault that on nice days Edward and I would lay on a blanket in the yard and talk about our hopes and dreams and how much we loved each other and were mushy and ridiculous and picked shapes out of the clouds.

None of this was his fault. I needed to get over it. Or at least past it. I was a grown woman, a college graduate, I had a job. I could do this.

I kept reminding myself of that a few weeks later as I drove through the city limits. I took a convoluted route to avoid passing the high school, and Edward's house, and the trail head where we started hiking sometimes, and anything else that would remind me too forcibly of him. I did not want a trip down memory lane. Just going to my house would be difficult enough.

I pulled up by the curb in front of the house and realized I was in the place Edward used to park. We had made out in his car here once, until the windows were fogged up and my dad came out and rapped on the window with his gun. I took a deep breath and fought the urge to hyperventilate. My dad's police cruiser was parked in the drive. He was home. I could do this.

He opened the door and stared at me blankly for a minute, then breathed, "Bella!" He looked so happy that I was here. It more than made up for the difficulty of the trip.

Soon after I arrived, we went over to La Push to celebrate with Billy Black and Jacob, and Sue Clearwater and Seth. It looked like Sue and Charlie might be on the verge of falling in love, and I was happy for them. I wanted no part of romance, but they weren't like me. My dad had wanted no part of romance too, for a long time after my mother left him. Maybe after fifteen or twenty years I would be brave enough to try again, too. I didn't want to think about it.

We had a driftwood fire on the beach after dark—Jake and Seth carried Billy in his wheelchair right onto the sand. The fire was beautiful, colorful from the salt. We all sat around and talked about nothing in particular, Jake and Seth making me laugh, trash-talking and randomly pelting one other with pinecones. No one treated me strangely, or mentioned the Cullens, and I was thankful. When we ran out of dry wood Charlie and I went home, with sandy feet and smelling of smoke. It was the most wonderfully relaxing night I'd had in a long time.

I was tired, but after I took my shower I sat up a while thinking. I felt like I'd leaped a huge hurdle. I knew the first time coming back here would be the hardest, so the worst was already over. I didn't like the idea of running into any of the Cullens—especially, please God, not Esme in the grocery store- but I honestly didn't know if they even lived here anymore. Edward's father was a doctor and could work anywhere. Charlie never mentioned them, even though he and Carlisle had been rather friendly at one time. Of course, after the pictures that friendship was probably ruined too. I decided to try and ask Charlie about them in the morning. Maybe eventually I would be comfortable enough to come home without having to brace myself for it.

I was making pancakes the next morning when the doorbell rang. Charlie was upstairs in the shower so I ran to get it, only to freeze when my hand was on the knob. The last time I had answered that door my life had been ruined. I told myself I was being stupid. Really, what could possibly happen now to make things any worse? I pulled the door open and stared, stunned.

It was Alice.


	3. The Middle: Alice

**The Middle: Alice **

I had forgotten how tiny she was. Edward and his parents are all on the tall side, and then there was Alice—an itty bitty unstoppable force of nature. Edward's mom used to joke that we looked like stair-step children; Edward and Alice were a foot apart in height, and I was almost exactly in the middle. Edward used to tell her she had gotten a hobbit gene and ask if her feet were hairy yet, and she would grab him by the shirtfront and tug him down so she could slap him upside the head.

I sucked in my breath. I had to stop thinking about this.

"Alice. Um, this is a surprise." I stood there for a second and just stared at her. She stared back, surprisingly quiet. "Uh, sorry. Come on in."

She walked past me just as Charlie came tearing down the stairs asking what was burning. Crap, the pancakes. As I rushed to the kitchen to pull the pan off the stove I saw Charlie freeze.

"What in the _hell_ are you doing here?"

I dropped the pan into the sink with a clatter. Charlie was never that openly rude. To anyone. Not even when he was making arrests. And to be rude to Alice, of all people! He used to adore her, she used to have him wrapped around her tiny little finger.

I went back into the living room as Alice said firmly, "I came to talk to Bella. Jasper saw her yesterday, and told me she was in town. I need to know what happened five years ago."

"_You_ need to know what happened five years ago? Why the hell didn't you answer your phone, then? Why didn't you call her back?" Charlie was getting louder. "You were supposed to be her friend but when your brother betrayed her you couldn't even be bothered to answer your phone! I came home from work and she was laying on the floor by the pictures of Edward and that, that _woman_, waiting for you to call her, _telling_ me you were going to call her, and you never did!"

I couldn't bear to hear this. I tried to never think of that day. I felt like my chest was ripping open.

Alice was staring at Charlie with her mouth open as he continued ranting. "Her first day home in five _years_ and you have to come over now and ruin it? What next, huh? Should we expect your brother to come over next to ask stupid questions?"

I wrapped my arms around myself and bent forward, trying to breathe. "Stop! Please, please, stop."

Charlie glanced at me and immediately looked remorseful. He helped me to the sofa and sat next to me. I leaned back with my eyes closed and focused on my breathing.

Alice was still standing frozen in the middle of the room. She said slowly, "Bella got pictures of Edward the day she called us?"

Charlie didn't bother to answer her. She came and knelt on the floor in front of me, putting her hands on my knees and staring at me until I met her eyes. "Bella. Edward got an envelope of pictures of you…with someone…that day."

"What?" I whispered."But I didn't…" Tears trickled down my face. "Why? _Why_? So much ruined…why would someone do that to us? _How_ would someone do that to us? It was _him_ in the pictures, Alice. There was one of his back, in bed, with…" I started to gasp and she took my hand and held it. "It was him. There was the scar on his shoulder." When Edward was ten he had fallen out of a tree and hit a broken branch on the way down. He had ended up with twenty-four stitches across his shoulder blade. The scar had made it impossible to even try to think that it wasn't him.

"I know, Bella. Well, I don't know, since I haven't seen the pictures you got. But it was definitely you in the ones Edward got." She was quiet for a minute. "Obviously, they were photoshopped. Bella, I'm so sorry."

"This is all my fault," I whispered. "I should have told you in the messages what I'd gotten. If I'd told you then you would have known something weird was going on, and all this time wouldn't have been wasted. It's all my fault."

Alice and Charlie, in unison, reproachfully exclaimed my name, then glanced at each other and half smiled.

"All right. We're going to figure this out." She jumped to her feet and started pacing, like a mini-general. It made me smile to see her in action- I'd missed her so much. "We need to figure out when the pictures were taken. That will help us narrow down who could have done it. There can't have been that many opportunities—it's not like you guys ran around half-naked all the time." She waggled her eyebrows at me, and I actually laughed. "In the pictures Edward got, you were wearing the bracelet he gave you for your birthday, which was…not good. I think it made it worse for him. Edward, he…it was bad, Bella."

Charlie gripped my hand and I realized I was gasping again. Alice leaned over and put her hands on my shoulders, and looked into my eyes.

"Don't worry about that right now. We can talk about that later. Let's focus on this now. Your birthday's in September. Can you remember any time between then and graduation that you were half-dressed, or maybe a bathing suit, where someone could have taken your picture?"

"Um, it got cold early that year—it was already pretty chilly when my birthday came." I thought for a minute and my head snapped up. "Right before graduation- the pool party! Remember? You made me wear that bikini and it was actually warm outside; Edward's shirt was off all day. And his swim trunks were a little too big and kept sliding low on his hips…" My voice drifted off and Alice smirked at me, as Charlie cleared his throat and frowned.

That had been such a good day. Edward's eyes had widened when he first saw me in the bikini, and he had looked so _good_. It was a rare sunny day and the reddish tint to his hair had looked like it was sparkling. I had dunked him when we were in the pool, and he had pulled me far underwater with him and kissed me, one hand laced with mine and the other moving from the nape of my neck to my hip as our bodies floated and slid against each other. We'd emerged gasping and red-faced, laughing when Jasper hooted and Alice yelled at us to get a room.

A week later he and his family left to go camping.

Three weeks after that my life imploded.

I realized I was crying again. Alice handed me a tissue and sat down next to me, resting her head against my shoulder. I sighed, and changed the subject. "So, Jasper's still in the picture, huh? I didn't see him when I drove in; where was he?"

"I'm not sure what kind of crazy way you came into town, since it's back on South 2nd Avenue, but he was in the yard when you passed our house." I sucked in my breath at the _our_. "We just bought it last month. Jasper's been living there this summer, getting things fixed up—tearing out carpet, refacing the cabinets, doing something to the terrible bathrooms—it's an older house." She twisted her hands together in her lap, and for the first time I noticed the ring on her left hand. "We're getting married this fall."

"Alice…" I was not reacting right. I hugged her so she couldn't see my face. "Alice, congratulations. I'm so happy for you."

I _was_ happy for her, I really was, but I was also so _sad_. I had missed so much, so many events and experiences and so much _time_ that I could never get back. I had been ripped so violently out of their lives-how could we put the pieces back together?

And why should she feel sad or self-conscious, telling me something so wonderful? That was hardly fair.

To distract us I said the first thing that popped into my head. "So, did your mother really not see me that day in the grocery store?" Why did I ask that? Did I really want to know? "You know what, maybe you shouldn't answer that. I don't want to know if she hates me, too."

Alice sighed. "Bella, she doesn't hate you. I don't think any of us ever _hated_ you. We didn't think that you sent the pictures or that you _wanted_ to hurt Edward. It just didn't make any sense. Anyway, yes, she did see you. She's felt guilty about it ever since, and talks about it all the time when Edward isn't home, even now. She came here to see you a couple of days afterwards, but no one was home. She left a note…"

"I was already gone," I said numbly. "I left the next morning." I looked at my father. He looked a little guilty.

"I found the note when I got home from work—it just said she was sorry, and asked you to call her. I was a little ticked off, since I figured it must be her fault you left, but I called your mother and told her about it. She said you had been locked in your room crying since shortly after you arrived—it had been about two days at that point." Alice winced. "She asked me to mail her the note and said that when you calmed down, if she thought you were up to it, she would give it to you. I'm sorry, Bells."

"Not your fault, Dad," I said quietly. "I _wasn't_ up to it then. It was a long time before I was able to pretend I was up to anything. I wish I'd gotten it though, sometime later. Mom probably forgot about it." Sometimes my mother's flightiness was appalling. I took a deep breath. "All right, Alice. I think you have a handle on what happened here when I got the pictures of Edward. What happened on your end?"

She took a deep breath. "Bella, I'm so sorry I never called you back. You must have gotten the pictures a couple of hours after Edward did. Things were…bad right then."She grimaced. "There was a ranger station at the entrance to where we were camping; people would check in there on their way in or out. Sometimes there would be mail or messages. We were on our way out of there and Dad sent Edward in to make sure there weren't any messages from the hospital. We had all been teasing him for days about how eager he was to get back to you—I think Dad may have sent him in just to give him a break for a few minutes. He came out—he looked so cheerful. I don't think I've seen him look that cheerful since. He called out, 'No messages, but _I_ have an envelope.' Jasper said, 'Oh, an _envelope_…' dragging out the word, and we all laughed, even Edward. I have no idea what he thought it was, but he opened it and then just stood perfectly still for a minute looking in it. Then he threw it and ran to the trash can and just vomited and vomited. We all panicked—Mom and Dad ran to Edward, Jasper and I ran and grabbed what he'd dropped to see what it was. I couldn't believe what I saw. I really couldn't believe you would do something like that- it seemed so impossible, but it was _you_ in the pictures." She looked at me apologetically. I understood. I remembered that deep seated belief that what your eyes were seeing was impossible, and yet…it _was_ that person in the photos. You wanted with everything in you to deny it, to find some way that it wasn't true, but you couldn't.

"And then when you called, and I didn't know you had gotten pictures of Edward… We assumed you had found out that some were sent to him and that was why you were upset. I didn't even listen to all your messages, so even if you _had_ told me in one of them about what you had gotten, I might not have heard it. I wish I had called you; this would have been all cleared up so fast. But I _was_ angry at you then, Bella. Edward was a wreck for months. I'm ashamed to say I fled when it was time to start college—I couldn't standit anymore. It was awful. Mom and Dad finally sent him out to stay with Emmett because it was clear he wasn't getting any better at home."

Emmett was Alice and Edward's cousin, a huge bear of a guy from Tennessee. He was a couple of years older than us and had planned to spend a month with the Cullens that summer. He would have been with them for the camping trip, except that right before he was to fly out he came down with chicken pox. It apparently was quite serious for an adult to have it—I remember Carlisle had been worried. I was glad he was okay.

"Emmett took a year off from school and dragged Edward on hikes through the woods, and taught him scavenging, and tracking, and they even went hunting, once Emmett was sure it was safe to hand him a weapon."

I buried my face in my hands.

"It's okay, Bella. He's a lot better now. I mean, he's not normal, but then neither are you, are you? I just wish we'd listened to Jasper. The first few days he kept saying that something was wrong with one of the pictures, that it was Edward's hand on your back and not the other guy's, and finally Edward punched him. He was screaming at him…" She shuddered. "It was awful. Dad actually had to sedate him. Jasper didn't say anything about it again until last night. He came over and took me out; he didn't want to say anything about you in front of Edward. He told me that the look on your face as you drove past was terrible and that I had to get your side of things; that if you left before I could talk to you he thought I would regret it. He never believed things were as straightforward as they seemed. I talked to Mom again about the pictures when I came home, but they're gone now so I don't know. Probably he was right, and I wish we'd listened to him." We sat in silence for a few minutes. Charlie looked completely horrified.

"Do you know, Alice," I said slowly, "I wish we were all low-class and uncivilized."

She started laughing.

"Seriously, Alice! This would never have gone on so long if we were the kind of crazy people that went on those terrible TV shows and screamed at each other about who was the baby's daddy or if your fiancé slept with your sister! If I had hunted Edward down and thrown the pictures in his face, or if he had come and yelled at me for being unfaithful, or if your mother had told me off in the grocery store, this all would have been over in a matter of weeks, if not days."

"Or if Emmett had been on the trip, you know he would have come and ranted at you as soon as we got home." Alice snorted.

I laughed, and then sighed. "He would have found me on the floor with those horrible pictures thrown around, and it would all have been over in a matter of hours. I wish he _had_ been there. Stupid chicken pox."

Alice was silent for a minute. "The worst thing is, I don't know if Edward will believe me. I don't know if he'll even let me tell him. He won't talk about it and he won't let anyone else talk about it. He says it's over and done and he's fine, all of which is completely ridiculous. He's not himself at all. He hasn't even _touched_ his piano since this happened, and you know how much he loved playing."

I did know. Whenever I was over at his house a large portion of the time was spent on the piano bench with him as he played. The music would swell out of him effortlessly, and he would sing in my ear or breathe in my hair or kiss me, my temple, my cheek, my neck, all the while not missing a note. The music was not just something he _did_, it was part of him. This was breaking my heart. Edward needed to be well and whole, and not missing large chunks. Even if I never saw him again, I needed to know he was happy.

"I wish I'd mailed those pictures to him like I'd planned to." I said regretfully. "I was so hurt; I had planned to write a scathing note to enclose with them, but then when I left so quickly I left them behind."

Alice popped off the sofa like a cork shot from a wine bottle. "Wait—you still have them?"

"I guess so. Unless you threw them out, Dad?"

Charlie shook his head. "No, I never saw them after you left. I figured you got rid of them."

"No, I think I left them in my desk. I had started to address a new envelope…"

Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me off the sofa. "We have to look! We need to find them."

"Okay, okay, sheesh." I let her pull me up the stairs into my room.

She was bouncing around my desk. "Are they in there?"

I opened the drawer, and there they were, half in and half out of the old envelope. I pointed at them. I didn't want to touch them.

"Hooray!" She grabbed them in one hand, and took my hand with the other. She was still bouncing.

"Listen, Bella, Edward is home this weekend. I didn't tell you because what was the point if he was just going to be stupid? You've been through enough already. But now that I have these I think I can make him listen to me. I _think_ he'll come over—I can't be sure because he's been so illogical for years now that who knows _what_ he'll do. I promise though, if he isn't going to come, I'll come back and tell you. And then I'll give these to my parents and they can beat some sense into him. Either way, I'll see you soon." She bounced up and kissed my cheek. "I love you, Bella! I'm so happy I came over today. Jasper is a genius."

She danced down the stairs. I heard Charlie trying to apologize for yelling at her and her cheery voice telling him everything was okay, that she understood. Then the front door closed, and I began to have trouble breathing.

I've spent all these years wishing I could see him again, even for a minute, and now that I might, I'm terrified. What if I say the wrong thing, or do the wrong thing?

What if he came to see me and then he didn't want to stay? What if he said, "Oh, I'm sorry for being wrong all these years. Thanks for letting me know—now I can get on with my life." And then he _left_.

I couldn't bear to lose him again. I wouldn't survive it a second time.

The air was too close inside the house. I needed to get outside. I grabbed a blanket from the closet and headed downstairs. Charlie tried to make me eat something, but I told him, truthfully, that if I ate anything I was going to be sick. I left him in the kitchen to deal with the burned pancakes and the ruined batter. At least there were a few good ones I had made before Alice came that he could heat up if he wanted.

I put the blanket down in the usual place, but that made me nervous. What if that sent a weird message? So I moved it somewhere else, but that made me nervous too. What if _that_ sent a weird message? Finally, I balled it up, threw it as hard as I could, straightened it out without noticing where it landed, and threw myself down on it.

Alice would have enjoyed this spectacle. It was a shame she was missing it. Oh well, maybe some of the neighbors were having a good show.

I tried sitting up, but that felt weird. I tried laying on my back, but that was too accessible. I didn't know how accessible I wanted to be. I tossed and turned and had to get up and fix the blanket, and finally laid down on my stomach with my face pressed against the ground, the same way I did on the floor of the living room when I didn't want to see the pictures. I could only see the tips of the grass this way. They were a glowing yellowish-green because of the sun. It was nice.

I heard the gate open and shut. I was afraid to look to see if it was Edward or Alice.


	4. The Middle: Edward

"Bella," Edward said. His voice was still beautiful. I sat up slowly and made myself turn towards him. He looked taller and his shoulders were broader, but he was too thin. He was still gorgeous. It hurt to look at him.

He stood uncertainly by the fence like he was afraid to come any further. "Edward." My voice broke and I cleared my throat. "You can come sit, if you want."

He walked slowly over and dropped onto the far side of the blanket, facing me. We both stared down at our hands.

This was awful. We had never been uncomfortable with each other, not even when we first started dating.

He took a deep breath. "So. What have you been up to?"

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old." Same old missing him, same old hating myself for missing him, same old pretending to be fine. I risked a glance up at his face. He looked sad.

I reached out involuntarily to touch his hand. I caught myself and started to pull back but he moved quickly, turning his hand and twisting his forefinger around mine. I stared at our entwined fingers and fought to breathe. I was so afraid. What had happened had broken us. Could we even do this? What if we tried and it didn't work? I already knew I wouldn't survive it. Would he? I didn't want to do anything that might hurt him.

"Actually, I don't know. What you've been up to, I mean," he replied quietly.

"Oh. Yeah. Well, I've been teaching Pre-K down in Elma, west of Olympia? It's close enough that my father can visit pretty easily, and…" I trailed off.

"And not somewhere we'd ever been?" he guessed.

He may not have known what I was up to, but he still knew me well enough.

"Why Pre-K? I thought you were going to school for secondary ed, to teach English?" He glanced up at me, then looked back down. He was staring at our fingers, too.

I shrugged. "Kids are fun. Usually. Teaching them is enjoyable. They make me laugh. And they wear me out, so at night I'm tired enough to sleep. And it's easy to tell—" I stopped.

"Easy to tell what?" I didn't say anything. "Bella…you have to tell me. We have to try to be honest with each other if… if we're ever going to move past this."

I supposed moving past this could be motivation enough. I wanted to help him do it, anyway, if that's what he wanted. I took a deep breath and blurted out, "Easy to tell if they're lying to me."

He didn't reply, and I peeked up at him. His mouth was twisted like he was trying not to cry. I didn't know what to say. There _was_ nothing to say that could make it any better. I went back to staring at our fingers.

After a few minutes, he took a slow breath. "So. Read any good books lately?"

I laughed a little bit at the flippant way he said it, and when I looked up he was looking back at me, a small smile on his lips. His eyes were so green, greener than I had remembered. I took a breath and tried to recollect what he had asked me. His smile got a tiny bit bigger, crooking up on one side. "Books?" he asked again.

I looked away. I knew he wasn't going to like this. "Some, I guess. I don't read as much anymore." I ignored his indrawn breath and forged on. "Non-fiction mostly; educational theory, history, philosophy, anthropology sometimes. Some fiction, thrillers or horror."

"No poetry. No literature." He sounded a little shocked. "What about classic horror? Like Shelley's Frankenstein or Stoker's Dracula?"

I snorted. "Too much romance."

"I don't know that I'd consider _that_ romance- the female protagonistsget turned into vampires or killed by monsters!"

I shrugged. "I don't do romance. In any form. Monsters or not."

"Oh, Bella." He turned his hand slowly and laced his fingers through mine. I could tell he wanted to give me time to pull away if I wanted to. As if I'd be that foolish. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have known it wasn't true. I should have tried to talk to you, to call you at least. This is all my fault. I—"

I couldn't let him go on like this. "Edward, stop it. It's not your fault." He tried to argue and I cut him off. "Listen to me. Edward. It's true that I tried to call you, and I tried to call Alice. And I didn't _want _to believe it was true. But I still _did_. It was your back. In one of the pictures. With the scar. In…in…" I was whispering now, but I still couldn't bring myself to say the word bed. "Alice said it was definitely me in the pictures you got. So…" I trailed off.

We were quiet for a time, staring at our fingers again. At least now we were completely holding hands. He shifted slightly closer and a little to the side to make it more comfortable.

I didn't know how long I had with him and there were still things I wanted to know. "Alice didn't say; did you go to college? What are you doing now?"

"Yeah, I went. Not that first year. Did Alice tell you I was with Emmett?" I nodded. "Once I started paying attention to what we were doing, I got interested in forestry and wildlife management. The health of the forest and managing overpopulation of predators, that kind of thing. That's actually what my degree is in. I got my bachelor's in May and just started working over at Olympic National Park last month."

"Alice also said you gave up music." I tried not to sound accusatory, but I don't know how successful I was since I felt his hand flinch.

"I just, I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit in front of the piano anymore." He sounded sad.

I thought of all the times I'd sat on the bench with him as he'd played. "Because I wasn't there?"

He lifted his head to look at me. "It wasn't so much that you weren't there, as that I knew you never would be. I couldn't bear the reminder." He smiled slightly, looking amused by something. "Actually, I didn't _entirely_ give up music. I sang with a band for a while in college."

"What? Really?" That was unexpected. "What kind of band?"

He looked sheepish and didn't say anything.

"Edward, what kind of band?" He actually pressed his lips together to show he wasn't going to say anything. Oh, this had to be good. I said formally, "In the interest of moving past this, I think you need to tell me." Then I smirked at him.

He huffed out a sigh. "Oh fine. I shouldn't have said anything. It was one of those screamo rock bands."

I clapped my free hand over my mouth and started laughing. I couldn't help it. The idea of _Edward_, who loved Debussy and Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky, who wrote his own beautiful music, willingly taking part in a group like that was hysterical.

He was back to looking sheepish and adorable. He stroked the back of my hand he was holding with the forefinger of his other hand while he waited for me to calm down. I finally gasped, "Sorry, Edward. But _thank you_. I don't remember the last time I laughed like that."

He chuckled. "Glad to be of service. I guess."

"I don't know that you can claim to not have given up your music—you always hated those bands. Why on earth did you sing with one? I can't wrap my mind around it." I really couldn't. I never would have predicted it in a million years.

"Bella, you don't even know. They were such an _awful_ band—almost magnificently awful. You can't imagine. The music was this horrible atonal cacophony, and the lyrics were all screamed, no real singing at all. We dressed all in black with this wretched black and white drippy looking make-up." His smile faded. "But I thought…I hoped if maybe I screamed enough, I would start to feel better. I didn't, of course. But the audience was impressed with the energy I put into it." He laughed a little. "Or so I heard. I quit after five or six months. It wasn't helping—I was starting to think that nothing would help—and all it did was give me a headache and a sore throat."

I scooted a little closer to him without thinking so I could stroke his wrist. He turned his hand so I could reach the inside and closed his eyes.

"Edward, who did this to us?" I asked plaintively.

He sighed. "I was thinking about it on the way over here, and suddenly it all seemed so clear. I was such an idiot not to realize it sooner. It had to have been Jessica Stanley."

"What?" I was surprised. Very surprised, really. "I mean, sure, I know she always had a thing for you, but _how_ would she have done it? It's not like she was some kind of computer genius."

"No, but her cousin was. Did you meet him? I think he came to visit her family the summer you spent a couple weeks with your mom, after our junior year." I shook my head. "He was going to school for graphic design or something, and he showed us some of his projects. It was amazing what he could do. I thought he was pretty impressive, but he was probably the one who did it."

I was wide-eyed in horror. "But _why_ would he do the pictures? Why would he do that to us?"

He shrugged. "To please Jessica? For fun? Because she challenged him to prove he could? You know what she was like. He seemed like an okay guy; I doubt he knew what she was going to do with them."

"What kind of 'okay guy' puts people's bodies in bed with other people that they don't even know?! He had your hands on her…on…"

"Bella, look at me." I stared at him, knowing I had to be a little wild-eyed. "Don't think about it," he said quietly. " Please. Okay? We'll hunt him down sometime and find out for sure what happened."

I took a huge breath. I liked the idea of hunting him down. With weapons, preferably.

"I just wish I'd known about Jessica's freakish interest in me before that next summer. Too bad I'm not a mind reader." He snorted. "It would have been nice to have had some warning. And maybe if I knew sooner, I would have been able to tie it all together."

"Wait, _what_? What did Jessica do?"

He looked surprised. "Didn't your dad ever tell you? He's the one who made the arrest. And _that_ wasn't the least bit uncomfortable at _all_—ha!"

"What arrest?! Edward, I have _no _idea what you're talking about—who was arrested? Jessica? What did she do to you? Tell me!"

He looked a little amused by my reaction. "It's not a very interesting story. I had just come home from Tennessee—Emmett had come with me to visit my parents and Alice. You know, I really can never repay him for what he did for me. When I think of all the time he took—"

I made an exasperated noise. "Yes, yes, Emmett's wonderful. I love what he did for you, but _please_, I'm _begging_ you, stick to the story."

He fully laughed for the first time. "Sorry. Anyway, almost as soon as I got home I began feeling like I was being watched. I thought there was something wrong with me at first, like a PTSD or something, so I didn't say anything. But then other people began to make comments. My mom actually started covering up the glass wall in the living room; she said it gave her the creeps, and you know how much she loved it. Then little presents started showing up on the front steps." He hesitated. "At first I'd hoped it might be you; maybe you were afraid to approach me or something, but the gifts were…odd. Nothing too weird, but not like anything I thought you would give me; it was like they were from someone who didn't know me. That was when my dad called the police. _Your_ dad showed up to take the report and he was sort of hostile. It didn't make sense to me—why would he be angry at me? He made some snide comment about my effect on girls or something. My parents were angry."

He held my hand tighter. "Then one day we ran into Jessica in town. She was acting…weird. She almost looked like she was on drugs or something. She kept sidling up to me and trying to have a private conversation even though we were in a big group. After we left Emmett was joking about her, but Jasper kept shaking his head and saying she seemed dangerous to him. We kind of laughed it off. Things were still a little strained between me and Jasper, so it was easy to discount what he said. That night when I went up to bed she was sitting in my closet."

I gasped, but he didn't seem to hear me. His eyes were far away. "She was wearing this skimpy dress. I asked her what she was doing there and she just laughed this high-pitched laugh and said that it was time for us to be together, that she had waited long enough. I tried to stay calm and to keep her calm, but she was acting crazy and I was scared. When she tried to kiss me, I shoved her away and tried to get out the door. The next thing I knew she was in front of me with a knife." He paused. I felt like I was barely breathing.

"She said something about you then, I don't remember exactly what, but I was so thankful you weren't there and that we weren't together anymore. It was the only time I was ever glad for that. I think she would have tried to kill you. I should have put it together then, that she was behind what happened a year earlier. But it _had_ been a year and I didn't connect it. I just felt like I was cursed."

"What happened? How did you get away from her?" I was horrified.

His eyes were still a little distant, remembering. "I _couldn't_ get away from her. She was between me and the door and kept waving the knife around. Thankfully, she started ranting louder and louder, completely insane stuff, but she got loud enough that my family heard her. Emmett and my father came barreling through the door and tried to grab her, but she was totally insane, like strong with it. They couldn't get her at first. She cut all three of us before Emmett was finally able to tackle her from behind, and we were able to get the knife away. The police came then and took her away. Your dad's attitude still kind of sucked—he didn't seem to feel very bad for me—but the police report was accurate. I didn't really care beyond that, it was all just too much. Her parents were horrified; but really, how do you not know your kid is that nuts? I never understood that. She wasn't able to stand trial—she was way too crazy—so she's in a high-security psychiatric hospital. Her parents asked the court, for my sake, to have her moved to a facility on the east coast, and I appreciated that. They moved out there too. So, hopefully, if she ever escapes I'll have some warning." He laughed a little.

_He laughed._

How could he _laugh_?

He looked at me then, and frowned. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Am I _okay_?" I hissed at him. "Am I—Edward, what if she'd _killed_ you? What if you were _dead_ right now and not sitting here holding my hand—what if you were _never able_ to find out the truth? What if you _died_ thinking I wanted somebody else- as if I ever _could_ want anyone but you! And if you were _dead_ Alice wouldn't have come over…and I never would have known…and even if I _did_ know…you would already be _dead_…and…"

I couldn't continue because I was crying too hard.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, pulling me towards him, and his lips on my forehead, then my cheek, then my mouth. Then we were kissing, on our knees, bodies pressed together, my hands in his hair and his hands on my back; I wanted to crawl inside him and never allow us to be separated again. We kissed until we were out of breath, and then we held each other tightly as we cried.

And, somehow, I knew we would be all right.


	5. The Beginning

**The Beginning**

We were laying down now, talking, trying to catch up on each other's lives. He was on his side, propped up on one elbow playing with my hair, kissing me occasionally. I touched his face sometimes as he talked, unable to believe that he was really, truly here with me. It still felt like a dream. I wanted to stay here with him forever.

Even though we were together, it was still painful to talk about the separation. We both had lived half lives, trying to function well enough that our families didn't worry about us, trying to make new lives, but so afraid to trust ourselves, and so _bewildered_. It was hard to move past something, to come to terms with it, when you couldn't make any sense of it.

I asked him if he'd dated while we were apart. I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd had.

"No. Well, I did go on one date; my roommate set me up with someone last year. He knew something had happened in my past, though not what, of course, but he told me I was overthinking it. That I didn't have to want to be with someone forever to date them, that I didn't have to be serious at all. Just to try to have fun. So I went, and she seemed like a nice enough girl. We talked about where we grew up and things like that. While we were eating our appetizers, she excused herself to use the rest room. Then right as our meals came, she got a phone call and had to leave. I think she called someone while in the bathroom to ask for an emergency call to get her out of there."

"What? Why?" I was offended on his behalf, which really was kind of ridiculous. "There's nothing wrong with you."

He shrugged. "I think I may have mentioned you too much. I didn't mean to, but…" He shrugged again. "I had her food boxed up so at least she still got dinner out of it. How about you? You date anyone?"

"No- I had a couple of guys ask me out in college, but I wasn't interested. There was one guy who was particularly persistent, dense about it almost, but finally even he gave up. It was a relief. I just wanted them to leave me alone." He had a weird look on his face. "What?"

"It's so strange—one the one hand, I wish that you had dated, because I want you to always be happy, but on the other hand, I'm glad you didn't. That's selfish, though. I want you to be happy more." He kissed me. I wouldn't let him pull away.

"Edward," I whispered against his mouth, "if you're selfish then I am, too. I feel the exact same way."

* * *

We had lain there for a while, staring up at the sky, when I remembered something he had said. "So Jessica actually cut _all_ of you guys with the knife?"

"Yeah, we were trying to surround her and she kept swinging the knife around to keep us back. There was blood all over. It was gross."

I shuddered. I still couldn't believe it. I mean, she had always seemed a little fake, but not like a homicidal maniac. Poor Edward.

"Where…?" I didn't know if I should ask.

"Did she get us? My dad on his forearm—fortunately not so deeply that his muscles or nerves were permanently damaged. He has no problem still doing surgery. Emmett on his upper arm and his cheek."

I gasped. "Oh no, his face?"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't feel sorry for him—he's happy. He thinks he looks like a pirate and says all the ladies love it. Maybe he's right—he's dating Rosalie Hale now, you know, the model?"

I had no interest in fashion, but even I knew who Rosalie Hale was. She was almost unnaturally beautiful. And _she_ was dating Emmett? "Um, wow. Maybe he _is_ right." We both laughed.

He didn't say anything more, so I nudged him. "And you?"

He silently showed me: a slash high on his arm near his shoulder, and the other on his side, low across his ribs.

I kissed the scar on his arm. It didn't look too horrible, all things considered. The scar on his side was longer and looked like it might have been deeper. That crazy psycho was lucky she was locked up. I ran my finger along it and leaned over to kiss it, but I had barely reached it when he dragged me back up and rolled on top of me, kissing me fiercely.

"Hey," I complained weakly, when I had gotten enough breath back, "I wasn't finished with that one." He actually growled at me in response, and I burst out laughing and hugged him, hard. I had missed him so much.

He pulled away a little and grinned at me, then rolled us over so he was on his back and I was half sprawled over him, my head on his shoulder and his arm around me.

"Don't worry," I said sweetly. "I'll finish it some other time."

"No, you won't."

"But, Edward…" I picked my head up and looked innocently at him. "I want to kiss it and make it better." His eyes were huge. I put my head back down and tried not to laugh.

He grumbled, "Stop it. You're just trying to make me burst into flames."

"You know, the grocery store has a…a walk-in freezer. We could…go …in there…and…" I was giggling too much to finish.

He kissed the top of my head, laughing. "You're so ridiculous. I love you." Then he froze, barely breathing, like he'd said something wrong.

There was a long moment of silence; his reaction had made me freeze, too. "Um, I'm sorry," he said.

I shifted slowly to lay more on my side and propped my head up on my hand so I could see him. His arm fell away from me and I immediately felt cold. It had nothing to do with the weather; it actually was warm out today. His face was tense and his eyes were closed.

"Why?" I sounded disturbingly calm, much calmer than I felt.

"What?"

"Why are you sorry?" I clarified.

"I'm sorry if I upset you." His voice was quiet. "I shouldn't have said it-I know it's too soon. I'll wait as long as you need; we'll do this however you want, but please, Bella. Please don't… Don't be upset."

I looked at him and I could see the person he'd been, the person who'd seen the pictures and vomited in the trash can, the person who'd felt his body ripped open and emptied and his world turned on its head, the person who'd thought that if this could happen then _anything_ could happen and that the world was senseless and scary.

I saw myself.

And I knew what he was really saying.

"Edward," I said, equally quiet, "you didn't upset me. At all. And I'm not going to leave you." He turned his head sharply to look at me. "What, you think I'm not scared of that, too? We'll do this however we need to, however is best for you, but you need to know that I love you, too. I will always love you."

His eyes were so green. "Bella, I love you, too. Forever." He smiled a little. "And we'll do this however is best for _you_."

I leaned forward and kissed him. "Since what I want is to never be away from you again for the rest of my life, you may want to rethink that."

He pulled me closer. Right before he kissed me he said, "I think that sounds perfect."

* * *

I was seriously considering the possibility of living permanently on this blanket with Edward, when I heard car doors slam out front. Whoever it was, Charlie could deal with them. Then I heard Alice laughing.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," I muttered against Edward's mouth. I wasn't going to stop kissing him. She could go away.

He rolled his eyes, and kissed his way down to my neck. "She's Alice. We're lucky she left us alone as long as she did."

I leaned my head back to give him better access and tried not to moan. He was driving me crazy.

I heard the gate open and close.

"Oh, Eeeedddwaaaard," Alice sang. "You need to get off of Bella—Mom and Dad are here. You don't want to scandalize them, do you?"

He kissed his way along my jaw. "They have children, Alice. I doubt this they'll find this scandalous."

"Hey, Bella!" Her voice was too close. I opened my eyes; she was sitting a foot away from us on the blanket, staring at me. "So, did you guys talk at all, or did you just make out all afternoon?"

"Go away." I closed my eyes again and tried to ignore her.

"What did he say? What did you say? Are you back together? I mean, it _looks_ like you're back together, but sometimes appearances are deceiving. And—"

Was she seriously trying to have this conversation _right now_? Edward stopped kissing me and buried his face in my hair.

She pushed at his shoulder. "Come on, you have to get up!" She hopped up and started singing, "Get…up, get up, get up; get up, get up, right now," to the tune of _Row, Row, Row Your Boat_. I stared at her in disbelief as Edward started laughing. She was dancing around the blanket now. She was insane.

I heard Jasper laugh. He was leaning against the fence watching her. I pulled my hands out of Edward's hair and covered my face. This was unbelievable.

"Come _on_, Bella!" She rolled Edward off me with her foot and grabbed my wrist to pull me up. He and Jasper were still laughing.

"Why on earth did you bring your parents over here, Alice?" I tried finger-combing my hair but it wasn't going well. I didn't even want to think about what I looked like. Edward came over and dusted off my back. His hair was sticking out every which way, so I ran my hands through it, trying to make it look less like we'd been laying on a blanket for hours. He leaned down to kiss me but Alice pulled me away.

Had she always been this bossy? Why had I missed her so much?

"You guys can kiss each other later. And I brought them over so we can get this first meeting over with. You don't want it hanging over your head like a guillotine, do you?"

"What lovely imagery, Alice," Edward said dryly. He had caught up to us and taken my hand. At least Alice allowed us _that_.

"Besides, we brought pizza. I know I interrupted your breakfast and I didn't think you would have eaten anything yet." My stomach growled as though on cue and we all laughed.

We met Jasper at the fence and he gave me a hug. "Hey, Bella. It's good to see you. And sorry—I held her off as long as I could. But you know how she is." He grinned at me and she smacked his arm. He picked her up—he was as tall as Edward—and kissed her.

Edward said in a martyred tone, "Oh, fine. _We're_ not allowed to kiss…" He harassed Alice and Jasper all the way to the door. It was so much fun being part of this dynamic again.

We trooped noisily into the house. Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the couch—I took one look at her and immediately stopped caring what I looked like. She looked like she'd been crying the entire time Edward and I had been on the blanket. I took a step towards her and then stopped, feeling awkward. I wasn't sure what she'd be most comfortable with. She got up and held her hand out to me, and when I walked forward and took it she hugged me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." She was crying. "I should never have done that at the grocery store; I was just so surprised to see you and things with Edward were so…" She trailed off like she didn't have words. "But I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm so sorry."

I patted her back a little awkwardly. Alice had said she felt guilty but I hadn't expected all this. "Esme, it's ok, really. Really. It is. Let's just forget about it, ok? Neither of us knew what was really going on."

She sniffled. "I'm so happy to see you again, sweetie."

I closed my eyes and fought back tears. I had missed this.

I looked up when another pair of arms wrapped around us. "Hi Bella," Carlisle said softly. He kissed Esme on the head and then me.

Charlie was talking to Edward across the room, looking awkward. He clapped him on the back, then said loudly, "All right, everyone. How about we eat?"

Things seemed almost shockingly normal, as though the last five years had never happened. We pulled chairs in from the kitchen and all sat around the living room eating and talking, the sports channel on low in the background.

The pizza was almost gone when Alice said conversationally, "So, do you want to share your wedding with me and Jasper or do you want one of your own? I'll help you plan it if you do."

There was complete silence. We all stared at her with varying degrees of shock. My father was the worst; he looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.

"What? You can't tell me it isn't going to happen. I know these things." She smiled angelically at us.

"Alice," Esme murmured reproachfully. "I think you're pushing things too fast right now. Let them be."

"But these things take time! We can't just do it at the last minute."

Edward said flatly, "Alice, if you keep nagging us I'm going to take Bella to Vegas right now, and you won't have any part in our wedding except a picture of us at the drive-through chapel." Jasper and Carlisle burst out laughing and even Charlie laughed a little, though he still looked a bit shocked at the thought of us getting married. Esme was beaming, probably because Edward had admitted he wanted to marry me. Alice balled up her napkin and threw it at him. He batted it back towards her and continued, "This is up to me and Bella. Stay out of it."

Alice shifted her attention to me. "Bella, what do you want to do? You don't want to go to _Vegas_, do you?" She said it like it was the most horribly vile thing she could think of. Knowing her, it probably was.

Honestly, I was all for the Vegas plan. I was for any plan that meant I never had to leave Edward. But I supposed we should do this responsibly and at least _discuss_ the options.

I said slowly, "I think that Edward and I need to talk about this." I shifted so my feet were flat on the floor. "Alone." I leapt up, dragging him with me, and bolted for the door. "So, we're going to go do that! Bye!"

I could hear everyone laughing back in the house as we ran for his car and jumped in. The tires screeched as he pulled away, driving so fast you'd have thought we were being chased by zombies. Or Alice.

He pulled over when we were about a mile north of town. We looked at each other and started laughing hysterically.

"Holy crap…Alice…she's out of control," I gasped.

He was trying to catch his breath, "I know, I know, Jasper is going to have his hands full."

"_Going_ to!" I was doubled over, trying to breathe. I kept having to giggle.

He turned in his seat, and looked at me, smiling. I lost my breath again for a second. He was just so beautiful.

"Bella, I don't want to pressure you, at _all_, and I certainly wouldn't have brought it up yet, but what _do_ you want to do? Just for the record, I wasn't joking when I said I would take you to Vegas. Right now." He grinned at me.

I reached for his hand. "Edward…honestly, it doesn't matter to me. I just want to be with you."

"Well, that's a given, right? We're going to be together no matter what. So I guess the question is, what kind of wedding do you want? Big and noisy, small and intimate? Vegas drive-through? Do you want to be a bridezilla?" I started laughing. "Or do you want to live in sin?" He winked at me.

"Not living in sin," I gasped, trying to catch my breath, "Alice would harass us on a daily basis about having a wedding."

He laughed, "Yeah, good point. Scratch that." He sobered. "Don't feel like we have to get married at all if you don't want to. We can wait as long as you want. I don't want to pressure you."

"Edward, since I'm seriously contemplating the merits of an immediate drive to Vegas, I'd say you don't need to worry about pressuring me."

He looked relieved. Really, did he think I'd say I didn't want to marry him? "Okay then." He squeezed my hand. "So, what kind of wedding?"

"I don't know that I want a particular kind—I just want to marry you. I want the people I love to be there…"

"Oh, well, I guess Vegas is out." He sounded a tiny bit disappointed and I laughed. "What about getting married with Jasper and Alice? Wouldn't you want a day of your own?"

I shrugged, "It doesn't matter to me. Do _you_ want a day of _your_ own?"

He laughed. "As long as I'm married to you at the end of it I don't care—I'll share it with anyone."

"Well, maybe we should ask Jasper if _he_ wants a day of _his_ own—he looked as surprised as the rest of us."

"I don't think Alice would have asked us if she wasn't sure he'd be okay with—she probably just knew he would stop her if she talked to him ahead of time." He sounded certain, and I had to agree. That sounded like Alice. "So…as long as Jasper's good, we'll share the day with them?"

"Yes."

He leaned over and kissed me, soft and slow. When he opened his eyes he looked a little teary. I sniffled. I was so happy. This had been the best day of my life.

"I _do_ want to actually propose to you at some point. Formally, I mean. You shouldn't get robbed of that just because Alice is pushy."

I smiled at him—I loved him so much. "Actually, right now I'm kind of happy she's so pushy, aren't you?"

"I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes. I am." He grinned. "So, what do you want to do now?"

I thought about it for a minute. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to go to your parent's house and listen to you play piano."

He looked at me for a long minute, and his eyes were soft. He tugged me over and kissed me. "I love you, Bella."

I kissed him back. "I love you, too."

When we got to his house he sat on the bench and pulled me onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around him and put my head on his shoulder, close enough that I could kiss his neck sometimes without moving very much. The music didn't flow quite so smoothly—he was a little rusty from not playing in so long—but he hummed into my hair and kissed me, and he didn't miss any notes.

* * *

**A/N: First of all, thanks for reading! Writing this story was an experience- I don't think I've ever written so much so quickly. I hope that this Edward seems true to character for everyone. Writing him human is ****_hard_****; so much of his personality and how he interacts with Bella is shaped both by being a 105 year old self-loathing vampire and being a mind-reader. It's harder than writing Alice human, I think. My biggest problem with her is not going too far over the top- the same problem I have with Mrs Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, though I like Alice much, much better. :) **

**I thought a lot about whether Bella would want to marry Edward in this and I decided she would. This Bella is 23 instead of 18, which I think would make a difference to book Bella, but my main reason is that I think in the books, for her, getting changed into a vampire is initially her version of the marriage commitment. She loves him, she wants to be with him forever, so since she has an immortal option she prefers that. At least that's what I tell myself when she aggravates me by not wanting to marry him. :)**

**I'm marking this as complete since it pretty much is. I'm planning eventually to write a scene from Edward's POV, when Alice brings him the pictures that Bella got. If there are any other outtakes that anyone wants let me know and I'll try to do them. It'll probably be a while though- there's several other things I'm working on.**

**Oh, and there is a drive through chapel in Vegas. Personally, I think if you can't be bothered to even ****_get out of your car_**** to get married, maybe you should reconsider. ;)**


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